Life Explained

Started by horrido, 07/29/2015 02:37 PM

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horrido

For those just staring out this is what really happened and why.....enjoy

Life



  On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door
of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I
will give you a life span of twenty years."

  The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten?"

  And God saw it was good.

  On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do
tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
span."

  The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

  And God, again saw it was good.

  On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and
give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life
span of sixty years."

  The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

  And God agreed it was good.

  On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

  But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the
ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

  "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

  So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

  Life has now been explained to you.

  There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it
as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

"As you approach thirty, you have a thirty ring gauge; as you approach fifty, you have a fifty ring gauge."
-- Cuban saying

Longhorn


toby2


appollo


lubrix

----
Guru of ruining the moment.

sevencardstud

LOL can I skip to the sitting on the porch?
"Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar." -Mark Twain


ntanner

I am not concerned about what you think as I can tell you don't do it often.

I used to be a people person, but then people ruined that for me.

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains that could have become beer but didn't.

benchjockey

You learn more by listening then you do from talking.

05Venturer

Kent
 Guru of Cynicism & Cigars

"Pump the brakes; you take your shirt off but leave your sunglasses on?" "What sort of backwards !@#$ing pageantry is that?" "You going to fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com?"

danb6177

I used to sit outside all night and drink bud lite and smoke Marlboros and everyone thought I was a bum. Now I sit outside all night and drink craft beers and smoke cigars and everyone thinks I have class.
-----
Money cant buy happiness but it CAN buy cigars

pferg

:lmao:  :lmao:  :lmao: that just made my day

1029henry

Beautiful! And true!!!
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife"

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them"

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met"
-Rodney Dangerfield

MacMac

Joe aka MacMac to 9 Grandkids

DonM


"The Curmudgeon"













Camshaft83

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip." Winston Churchill

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STL_Cohiba

LMAO this was much better than what they taught us in catholic school
"The only way to break a bad habit was to replace it with a better habit." Jack Nicholson, explaining why he switched from cigarettes to cigars" -Jack Nicholson


http://cigargeeks.com/humidor/default.asp?
action=humidor&member=STL%5FCohiba

Cfickter

Guru Master of the Minions

Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a department of our government!

Gunga galunga ... gunga, gunga-lagunga." - Carl Spackler

Education is important, cigars are importanter!

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me






   
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