I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows on way to high. She looked surprised.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I'm think we got this joke wrong".
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said "Thanks" I said "Don't mention it".
i have an epi pen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, and it seemed really important to him that I have it.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
God said to John "Come forth and be granted eternal life". John came fifth and ended up with a toaster.
What do we want? Low Flying airplane noises!! When do we want them? Neeeeeeeooooooowww!!