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Random quote: A cigar is like a gun. You never know when you will need one.
- (Added by: Samhain2000)



The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People
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SparklePony
Posted 10/29/2018 10:50 AM (#755350)
Subject: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah! 

So I've heard (and seen) that this place has gotten pretty tame and kinda quiet. That's completely unacceptable. So let's liven it up around here. 

First, tell me your best PG-13 joke. Extra bonus points if it's about cigars. 

At my sole discretion, if I like your joke, I might, just *might* reward you with some well-aged, HTF cigars. 

If you disappoint me, you will be punished. 

Don't disappoint me. 

P.S. cfickter is disqualified from this contest. I've heard all his jokes. 
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shakinghorizons
Posted 10/29/2018 10:54 AM (#755351 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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kgqbb-CH-d
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05Venturer
Posted 10/29/2018 11:28 AM (#755352 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Welcome home Oh Sparkly One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have missed you buddy
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Murphy223
Posted 10/29/2018 11:28 AM (#755353 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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A guy walks into a bar & asks for the Wifi Password:

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.

Guy: OK, I'll have a coke.

Bartender: Is Pepsi ok?

Guy: Sure. How much ?

Bartender: $3.

Guy: Here you go. So what's the wifi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
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05Venturer
Posted 10/29/2018 11:29 AM (#755354 - in reply to #755352)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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05Venturer - 10/29/2018 11:28 AM

Welcome home Oh Sparkly One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have missed you buddy


And although it could be this^^^ is not my joke

Edited by 05Venturer 10/29/2018 11:29 AM
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SparklePony
Posted 10/29/2018 11:34 AM (#755355 - in reply to #755354)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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05Venturer - 10/29/2018 12:29 PM
05Venturer - 10/29/2018 11:28 AM Welcome home Oh Sparkly One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have missed you buddy
And although it could be this^^^ is not my joke


You're OFF THE LIST!!!!!!  
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Brlesq
Posted 10/29/2018 11:58 AM (#755356 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Welcome back, old friend! Nice to see that your sarcastic demeanor hasn't been tempered by your absence.

Here's my joke:




(Pleasure Room.jpg)



Attachments
----------------
Attachments Pleasure Room.jpg (53KB - 6 downloads)
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SparklePony
Posted 10/29/2018 12:01 PM (#755357 - in reply to #755356)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Do you really need more cigars? Really? 
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Brlesq
Posted 10/29/2018 12:45 PM (#755358 - in reply to #755357)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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SparklePony - 10/29/2018 1:01 PM

Do you really need more cigars? Really? 



Lest you forget . . . I know what cigars you have, so YES, I could always smoke more of those.

And at least I didn't get disqualified yet like Chuck and Kent.


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Vroomp
Posted 10/29/2018 12:49 PM (#755359 - in reply to #755358)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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While on vacation one time we had three generations of men enjoying some good cigars on the deck by the lake.

My brother told my nephew he looked like a famous celebrity with that cigar hanging out of his mouth.

When my Nephew asked which one, my brother replied " Lassie taking a s**t!"\

 

       And welcome back John~!



Edited by Vroomp 10/29/2018 12:54 PM
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Cfickter
Posted 10/29/2018 1:44 PM (#755361 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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It's nice to know how little effort I need to exert to get disqualified from something!
Welcome back John, we missed you (OK, that was my PG 13 joke)
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SparklePony
Posted 10/29/2018 2:05 PM (#755365 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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When did you people become so boooooring?
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Chefjohn
Posted 10/29/2018 2:28 PM (#755366 - in reply to #755365)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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A priest and a New York City cab driver both pass away and stand before God. God rewards the cab driver with an enormous mansion while he gives the priest a small cottage. The priest asked God “Lord I committed my life to your service and have tried to stay faithful to it. Why did you reward the cab driver with such a great mansion while giving me just a small cottage?” God says to the priest “My son, that cab driver scared the hell out of more people than you ever did. “
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Brlesq
Posted 10/29/2018 2:32 PM (#755368 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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I recently met a chap with a didgeridoo and he was playing 'Dancing Queen' on it.

I thought, "That's Aboriginal."
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junglepete
Posted 10/29/2018 3:02 PM (#755369 - in reply to #755368)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Welcome back!
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McBryde
Posted 10/29/2018 6:47 PM (#755384 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Welcome Back John! I'm just coming back myself from a hiatus! Here you go:

2 guys were driving down the road and they see a dog sitting on the side of the road licking himself. One guy says to the other guy, "I sure do wish I could do that!" In which the other guy replies, " That dog would BITE YOU!"

E
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SparklePony
Posted 10/29/2018 7:18 PM (#755386 - in reply to #755384)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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McBryde - 10/29/2018 7:47 PM Welcome Back John! I'm just coming back myself from a hiatus! Here you go: 2 guys were driving down the road and they see a dog sitting on the side of the road licking himself. One guy says to the other guy, "I sure do wish I could do that!" In which the other guy replies, " That dog would BITE YOU!" E


hahahahaha!!  See? That's how it's done, folks. 
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shakinghorizons
Posted 10/29/2018 7:38 PM (#755388 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Welcome back E!
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McBryde
Posted 10/29/2018 7:52 PM (#755390 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Thanks guys! Always good to be back around good friends and the other slap asses!

E
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Brlesq
Posted 10/29/2018 8:08 PM (#755391 - in reply to #755390)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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McBryde - 10/29/2018 8:52 PM

Thanks guys! Always good to be back around good friends and the other slap asses!

E


^^ Thread hijack

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McBryde
Posted 10/29/2018 8:43 PM (#755392 - in reply to #755391)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Brlesq - 10/29/2018 8:08 PM

McBryde - 10/29/2018 8:52 PM

Thanks guys! Always good to be back around good friends and the other slap asses!

E


^^ Thread hijack



Point Proven!



Edited by McBryde 10/29/2018 8:43 PM
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ntanner
Posted 10/29/2018 10:26 PM (#755397 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Welcome back.

I met an older woman at a bar last night, She looked pretty good for 60. In fact she wasn't to bad at all and I thought to myself, she probably has a really hot daughter. We had a couple drinks and she asked if I had ever had a sportsman's double?
What's that I asked? It's a mother daughter threesome she said. My mind started to race as I embraced the idea and wondered what her daughter might look like. No I haven't I responded. We had a couple more drinks then she winked at me, stood up and said, tonight's you're lucky night. We went back to her place and walked inside. She flipped on the hall light and shouted upstairs. Mom, you still awake?
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Cox1211
Posted 10/30/2018 5:20 PM (#755415 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People


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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile. 

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junglepete
Posted 10/30/2018 8:21 PM (#755416 - in reply to #755352)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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The pope goes to meet the Queen of England...They are parading in the streets of London in a horse-drawn carriage and waving at the crowd. Suddenly one of the horses let’s out a big fart.

Queen: “So sorry...”

Pope: “Oh! If you hadn’t mentioned it, I would have thought it was the horse.”
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Brlesq
Posted 10/30/2018 8:47 PM (#755417 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Q: What's the difference between the Mayor of Boston and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

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