Welcome back. Since you've been gone I'll bring you up to date on some of the things you missed while you were away. You might think things are boring but we've had our fair share of excitement around here and this lull has been well earned.
Do you guys remember that Mexican poster who kept talking about how he wanted to kill people using trains? And how when we asked him why, he had all kinds of locomotives?
Or the little person who used to post here that claimed he was a fortune teller? He doesn't post here anymore cause he was accused of robbing a cigar store. They still haven't caught the guy. He's been a small medium at large ever since.
Now I know this contest is probably just just open to American users, which is cool. I get it. To be honest us Canadians are getting used to the fact that we're like batteries around here. We've never included in anything.
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
A woman sitting at her recently-deceased husband's funeral.
A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"No, go right ahead." the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, and says "Plethora," and sits back down.
"Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."
Geeze, SparklePony posts a thread and everyone comes out of the woodwork.... What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear
Brian, thats dad-joke grade. You need to step it up for a Sparklepony thread. Because Veteran's day is coming up, my submission:
One Sunday morning, a pastor noticed an unfamiliar member standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The churchgoer had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him, and said quietly, 'Good morning.'
'Good morning Pastor,' the churchgoer replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?' The pastor said, 'Well, it's a memorial to all the men and women who died in the service. Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, the new churchgoer's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear
asked, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"
SparklePony - 11/2/2018 3:46 PM You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason! We need to chat about board games...
What kind of board games!?!
The kind played on a board.
ahahah ok that is a fair comment to make.
The reason why I asked is I get hired to help people develop their Kickstarter campaigns for board game projects. I also am frequently hired to play test and preview/review board games before they become reality through crowdfunding campaigns.